heyguesswhat? youre annoying. my body hates eating and exercise. this is awful. hanging out with rose is... i dunno. it feels so much more natural and actually fun than hanging out with anyone else. i dont have to worry about keeping up some image she has of me, she never judges me, she lets me be myself without chastising me for my many flaws, and shes normal. shes not looking for the eloquence or wit or depth or severity or intelligence im known for (wow im conceited). im so goofy and stupid around her. and its not the exaggerated happy-high my brother has to deal with. i imagine its what teenage girls act like when theyre with their best friends. im so much more outgoing when its just her and me; i am never self-conscious of my clothes or how i look standing next to her or if im being too selfish again. she values me as a friend and she takes care of me and doesnt mind that i cant say 'i love you'. she never (seriously) complains about the obnoxious way i have to make everything a secret. she just kinda accepts it as one of my weirdo quirks. just like how im a compulsive liar and terribly cheap and totally crazy. she gets that im the type of person who takes much more than she gives. i just love being a secret-keeper. thats really the only reason for it. if i give anything away, then ill just be a regular person who knows secrets everyone else knows. the more secrets i have, the more mystery there is to my personality. the strokes are my anytime band. no matter what mood im in, they always seem to calm me down or make me happier. sometimes i read my entries and feel like im writing specifically to you. then i wanna make them private. i dont want to major in neuroscience to develop technology for paralyzed people or cure alzheimers. i just wanna know why my throat closes when im angry and why laughter bubbles up out of me when i think somethings funny and why some people are boring and others are obnoxious. i dont wanna look under microscopes, i wanna publish my research and lecture on the connections between neurophysiology and philosophy and psychology and classic literature, without being a teacher. no college will let me do that and im just gonna end up in a cubicle with a gun in the bottom drawer that i gutlessly point at my head during lunch breaks. anyways, no college will take me after they see how i did on my subject tests. dannys graduation... oh man.
was a bit nervous i wouldnt find him among the blue caps and gowns, then i saw the goofy nerd in the skinny jeans waving at me.
best friend ever.
there werent tears...because i forced them back.
have i ever actually been proud of someone other than myself until now?
cedes is so cute.
go middies! haha. my brother is doing mythology hw for honors english 9. he is not a good writer and that is going to slap him in the face in high school.
how can time drag and speed up at the same time?
the clock would not move in french this morning, but it feels like danny and i were making fun of davids 4-year-old lisp just last year. a few days and im a senior in high school.
two weeks and im free. golden retires, goyette goes camping.
a month and im gone til mid august.
a year and half my life is over. we wont get a chance to do this over. 
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