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Name: Dianna
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Member Since: 6/14/2007

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Monday, June 22, 2009

Currently
Cien AƱos de Soledad/ 100 Years of Solitude
By Gabriel Garcia Marquez
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cenzies.

a year from now,

none of you,

none of THIS

will matter.

leave behind some reason to be missed.

therapy

teamgogo


Sunday, June 21, 2009

Currently
Turn on a Friend
By Peanut Butter Conspiracy
see related

richardsons.

i have a theory, and this is it:

i dont have an "other half".

i was designed whole. 

to be by myself.

always.

everything looks perfect from far away.

dancliffe


Monday, June 08, 2009

Currently
So Jealous
By Tegan and Sara
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lakeview high.

heyguesswhat? youre annoying.

my body hates eating and exercise. this is awful.

hanging out with rose is... i dunno. it feels so much more natural and actually fun than hanging out with anyone else. i dont have to worry about keeping up some image she has of me, she never judges me, she lets me be myself without chastising me for my many flaws, and shes normal. shes not looking for the eloquence or wit or depth or severity or intelligence im known for (wow im conceited). im so goofy and stupid around her. and its not the exaggerated happy-high my brother has to deal with. i imagine its what teenage girls act like when theyre with their best friends. im so much more outgoing when its just her and me; i am never self-conscious of my clothes or how i look standing next to her or if im being too selfish again. she values me as a friend and she takes care of me and doesnt mind that i cant say 'i love you'.

she never (seriously) complains about the obnoxious way i have to make everything a secret. she just kinda accepts it as one of my weirdo quirks. just like how im a compulsive liar and terribly cheap and totally crazy. she gets that im the type of person who takes much more than she gives.

i just love being a secret-keeper. thats really the only reason for it. if i give anything away, then ill just be a regular person who knows secrets everyone else knows. the more secrets i have, the more mystery there is to my personality.

the strokes are my anytime band. no matter what mood im in, they always seem to calm me down or make me happier.

sometimes i read my entries and feel like im writing specifically to you. then i wanna make them private.

i dont want to major in neuroscience to develop technology for paralyzed people or cure alzheimers. i just wanna know why my throat closes when im angry and why laughter bubbles up out of me when i think somethings funny and why some people are boring and others are obnoxious. i dont wanna look under microscopes, i wanna publish my research and lecture on the connections between neurophysiology and philosophy and psychology and classic literature, without being a teacher. no college will let me do that and im just gonna end up in a cubicle with a gun in the bottom drawer that i gutlessly point at my head during lunch breaks.

anyways, no college will take me after they see how i did on my subject tests.

dannys graduation... oh man.
was a bit nervous i wouldnt find him among the blue caps and gowns, then i saw the goofy nerd in the skinny jeans waving at me.
best friend ever. 
there werent tears...because i forced them back.
have i ever actually been proud of someone other than myself until now?
cedes is so cute.
go middies! haha.

my brother is doing mythology hw for honors english 9. he is not a good writer and that is going to slap him in the face in high school.
how can time drag and speed up at the same time?
the clock would not move in french this morning, but it feels like danny and i were making fun of davids 4-year-old lisp just last year.

a few days and im a senior in high school.
two weeks and im free. golden retires, goyette goes camping.
a month and im gone til mid august.
a year and half my life is over.

we wont get a chance to do this over.

kami


Thursday, June 04, 2009

Currently
Chasing Daylight
By Sister Hazel
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harvard school of witchcraft and...what?

so theres this twilight blog on sparknotes. its totally hilarious. yeah.

dr horribles sing along blooooog! been listening to it all semaine.

ive been forcing myself to think in french for the past few days in preparation for my french sat this saturday. but it tends to morph into spanish because conjugating different french tenses in my head frustrates me.

i made sure to finish all my hw at school so that tonight could be a french cram sesh, then goyettes like heeeeey paper due tomorrow. ugh, hes a star wars geek. "i searched online for star wars quotes last night," haha. today during the fire drill i was kinda staring into space and he stood next to me for a good five minutes until he struck up a convo. which is funny, because the girls in my class kept going up to him and talking, but hed kinda politely blow them off and then go back to talking to me. heeeeee liiiiiikes meeeee beeeeeest. suck it ivana, christine, and michelle. especially christine, oh how i dislike christine.

tomorrow is the last chapter check, and the last century video. might pay attention instead of doodle like i usually do. today everyone slept through his lecture and i drew some pretty awesome stick figures, but then when he explained it i made sure to give him my full attention. i feel obligated to make his last year a good one, and that means pretending to pay attention and volunteering when no one else will. i will miss him a lot when hes gone. i dunno why im so attached to him, cuz its not like hes easy to talk to or funny. but he was the first teacher i liked in high school. then church (retired), lyons (retired), goyette, ms jeans... thats it. 99% of shs faculty are incompetent assholes.

talking to teachers is always very awkward for me because i dont like relating to them and i force myself to make eye contact. but they always make me feel like im the top student of the world, which is nice. except jubinville, who dislikes me because i think her class is a joke.

sarahs so goofy. i wanna hang out with her but i feel like the only thing she does is play sports and i am the anti-athlete. we have a lot less in common than i initially thought we would, but it kinda makes me like her better?

when i finally checked my sat score on tuesday, i was desperate to tell someone. but i had decided not to tell anyone. not my friends or my parents or danny or nury or david. today i told someone, and it was such a relief. i dunno why cuz i dont think sat scores are important. but i suppose the part of me that is uber nick-gallo-y thought it was.

i was late to all my classes today. busy busy, even in school. this is def not my style.

i wanna play tennis again on saturday if im up to it when im done my sats. though the muscle strain isnt something i wanna deal with again.

harvard finally got around to sending me mail, those elitist pricks. they sent me an actual application. mit sent stuff a few weeks ago. i panic whenever i get mail from schools like those. according to college board, harvard is the cheapest school on my list. sad.

its amusing when you finally have a conversation with someone youve known for a while but have never spoken to, and later that day they friend request you on facebook or something. as though theyve been waiting for you to talk to them.

macenzie me va hacer mucha falta cuando voy a la universidad. siempre hay algo que decir cuando hablamos.

i want a job. preferably as a weekend receptionist at a daycare or hospital. i could be a lifeguard but public pools disgust me and i dont wanna take the course.

many papers due next week. which i wanna do this weekend and be semi responsible for once this year. but tomorrow im busy and sat i have sats and sun is the nhs thing and church. which my mum angrily drags me to in hopes of saving me from damnation or something.

there are literally at least eight different colors in my hair.

i wish our school had a badmitton team. i would be vice captain! what the hell is a vice captain. maybe ill get nasty at tennis and join the team next year.
maybe not.

i wanna run for vp of nhs but even though ive attended all the meetings and done a couple of projects, i dont wanna steal any votes from say, ali if she wants to run. im very apprehensive about running for anything because i have a serious problem with rejection. ive never lost an election... but ive only been involved in like, 3 things. i always think of ali viv when i think of community service. i remember when i mentioned these same elections last year she said i should run and it made my day. cuz i soak up encouragement like whoa.

i just found something that may or may not be a magnet...lemme check.
ha! right again! im awesome.

a russian oil ceo wants me to partner a project which would involve "a transfer of two million american dollars" to a private account in my name. wtf. how does the russian mafia have my email address?
oh, he said to use the utmost discretion regarding the matter. maybe i shouldnt post this.

well over half of the things i claim to not know, be it peoples names or academic material or pop culture, i do know. hence...the claim. im weird.

the lying and cheating is compulsive, i swear.

such a toxic personality. people should make it a point to keep their distance. most of them do.

theres no ice tea and im really thirsty. the coffee milk at lunch is all i had to drink today.

i officially dislike writing in here.

someone tell me what to be when i grow up. and stop saying brain surgeon.

danny graduates tomorrow.

the thing about remembering is... you dont forget.

frienship


Monday, June 01, 2009

Currently
The Things They Carried
By Tim O'BRIEN
see related

carolina.

im so bored of this.

poor mr goyette. trying to explain the depth of perspective and the magic of literature to a roomful of chem and poli-sci majors.
his interest is lost on my cold, clinical peers.

they just dont get it. they cant see it at all. they will write generic, well-thought out bullshit that he will give them a's on, but he can see the lack of interest.

that sucks, especially for such a young and eager teacher.

sarah is so right. if life was like harry potter, we would rock the world.
she is like my favorite person.

i loved the things they carried. its so very... my style.

i had a dream that i got another writing award... for my xanga.
griffin and bosch presented it to me. wtf?
i was horrified. they posted the link on a BANNER in front of the entire auditorium. it was like, an entire assembly dedicated to this page. "you might belong in gryffindor" was everywhere.
and griffin gave a speech. a long one. about how he couldnt believe the pain ive experienced. i dont see a lot of pain here, though.
a lot of 'i hate griffin'. yeah.
of course, i left halfway through and rented a christmas movie because my dreams make no sense, ever.

just saw a trailer for new moon, and i cant stop laughing. these movies are soooo gay. i honestly have such little respect for people who like them.

rob pattinson will always be gorgeous cedric in my mind.

i never understood that song by hilary and haylie duff, our lips are sealed. rumors by lindsay lohan made sense because there were rumors about lindsay lohan. but no one was saying anything about the duffs. yeah, you see theeeeem, they talk about us, telling lies, now, thats no surprise. what lies? no one knows haylie and hilary is boring! no one was spreading any lies, lizzie mcguire!

hey bri. remember when we used to hang out?

im going to check my sat scores sometime this week. cuz i kinda wanna know how i did before i take my sat2s.

ive been second guessing my career choice more than ever. i still wanna do neurosci, but i dont wanna cure alzheimers or treat schizos. i really just wanna study the biology of emotions. but that doesnt really benefit anyone. and people dont tend to pay you unless youre helping someone.

as for the doctor thing. helping people has never been a priority of mine, obvi. and can you imagine my bedside manner? disastrous.

sometimes i hate thinking of religion. because while i find that the most intelligent and interesting people do not believe in god, the happiest are devoutly religious.
maybe religion is a joke, but can you honestly tell me that believing in something bigger than yourself doesnt make you happy? doesnt make you a better person?
thats why i am so genuinely happy for religious people. because they have the potential for a kind of happiness that i could only dream of.

this is one of the only times a teacher has embarassed me.
d: get to know each other. find out if you all like nickelback.
b: i like nickelback. do you?
r: i hate nickelback.
b: oh... you like nickelback, right?
k: i hate nickelback.
d: who likes nickelback?
b: no, they both hate nickelback.
d: well then, r and k, dont forget to invite us to the wedding!

juuuuune. feels like april. but my ipod says otherwise, so i will smile despite others' crappy moods. i hate it when im trying to have a good day and everyone around me is a zombie.

i burned that paper goyette handed back. a bit unsatistfied with his feedback, but i didnt really expect a connection anyway.

lemme be romantic for a sec? cuz ive been feeling lonely. lonely as in, im in an i-need-a-boyfriend phase. its this hollow ache that radiates through my chest whenever i remember it.
i need the warmth of someone hugging me from behind to melt away the tension in my shoulders.
i need someone to bring me snapple without me asking.
i need to know that someone always thinks of me when they set up their plans for the weekend.
i need someone to teach me that there are people are worth caring about.
i need to hold someones hand. more than anything in the world.

im so socially inept, but now im getting bored of it. im bored of having 2 friends and im bored of having no group and im bored of being the loner of the class in every class.

i just want college to be here now. because college is a nice big reset button on all my failed friendships and nonexistent relationships. and next time around i can do it right.

pretend to be nice, so i can be mean.

quo



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